An Irish Pub called Irish Pub

You try explaining what this is.

Although I have faced many challenges in Colombia, few have been as stifling as trying to explain what a Leprechaun is to a group of Spanish-speaking fourth graders.

As a visual aid for my explanation, I had drawn a crude picture of what I hoped resembled the mythical Irish creature.

I tried to explain in English, speaking slowly, “A Lep-re-chaun is a… mag-ic-al lit-tle man. He likes to hide gold at the end of rain-bows.”

My students looked at me like I was speaking dolphin.

I paused to regroup my thoughts. Back home, I had never really thought about what a Leprechaun actually was—all I knew was children seemed to always be after their Lucky Charms.

I gestured to a pitiful picture of a rainbow and pot o’ gold I had scribbled on the board.

“The mag-ic-al man, the Lep-re-chaun, hides his gold at the end of rain-bows.”

“Oro!” one of my students yelled.

“Yes!” I practically cried, “Oro is gold. Very good.”

Little victories.

The Irish pub called Irish Pub.

After work I headed north to meet some of my gringo friends to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish Pub called Irish Pub.

I know—creative.

Let’s just say originality in naming restaurants isn’t one of Colombia’s fortes. I kid you not—there is a buffalo wing restaurant called Buffalo Wings in Bogotá.

At any rate, since no one seemed to know what St. Patrick’s Day was, I expected the pub to be more or less empty. Much to my dismay, when I arrived at Irish Pub, there was a massive line stretching well out the door. Luckily, my friend Lynn had arrived earlier and was close to the front.

I joined her in line and took in the debauchery-filled scene. Drunken Colombians, adorned in green shirts and top hats, were everywhere. They sat at tables sipping green beer and blabbering in unintelligible Spanish.

A borracho Colombian.

I heard one guy yell, “¡Estoy borracho!” (I am drunk!)

I was surprised to see such a crowd and couldn’t help but feel like they had stolen our holiday—which we stole from Ireland—but that’s beside the point. I just really wanted some green beer.

After my friend Zach joined us, we finally made it to the front of the line and got a table inside the pub. Walking through the crowded bar, I heard a swirl of drunken English-Spanish conversations. I passed a few Americans flirting with Colombian girls speaking with broken English accents.

Borracho, indeed.

The gringos at Irish Pub!

We sat down and ordered a pitcher of the green beer. As we were engulfed by increasingly drunken chatter, I tried to guess who was American and who was not—it’s often hard to tell in the rich areas of Bogotá.

A few pitchers and one Irish car bomb later, it was time to go.

  

Headed back home with a healthy buzz, I thought to myself, The niños better behave tomorrow. Teacher Mike is going to be muy enguayabado.

And indeed he was.

The Beers of Bogotá

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

Seriously, he did.

A Greek philosopher once said, “A country’s true character can be measured by the quality of its beer.”

Okay, maybe I made that one up.

At any rate, I am an American; therefore, I love beer. Naturally, I conducted a thorough investigation of Colombia’s beer culture, taking it upon myself to acquire first-hand data from the field.

Here are my results:

Poker—“Bogotá’s Budweiser”

With a suggested retail price of a mere $1,300 pesos (75 cents), this is every Colombia’s go-to beer. Whether you stop by a small-town tienda or visit one of Bogotá booming discotecas, you will find many a Colombian hand accompanied by a bottle of this popular brew. In this gringo’s opinion, Poker is, in fact, superior to Budweiser. Call him a communist, but it’s true. If you are pinching pesos but still want to have a good time, order a few Pokers and you will soon be fiesta-ing like its 1959.

  

Aguila—“Colombia’s Coor’s Light”

As Poker’s primary competitor, Aguila is also a popular go-to beer throughout the land of El Dorado. Although some might disagree, this gringo believes Aguila’s electrifying taste to be superior to Poker’s homeliness. It also comes in a cooler-looking bottle. Regardless, a few bottles of Aguila will have you impressing the senoritas with your gringo salsa moves in no time.

Redd’s—“South America’s Smirnoff Ice”

During this gringo’s first week in Colombia, he entered a small tienda and asked for a cerveza. The tienda owner, knowing he was a gringo, served him the most expensive beer he had—Redd’s. He took his first sip and was immediately reminded of the summer Icings of ’10. It was sweet, like cider, but with a hint of alcohol. It wasn’t until this gringo was halfway finished with the beer that his suspicions were confirmed when he learned it was actually a girl beer. Tired of Bros Icing Bros? Then come to Colombia and try Bros Redding Bros. It’s the next big thing.     

Club Colombia—“The Boston Lager of Bogotá”

While the lager known as Club Colombia is more expensive than its counterparts, you get what you pay for. It tastes almost like a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, but is advertized as a lager, and therefore must be classified as thus. Club Colombia’s superior taste and potency make it a popular choice for the Bogotá elite; however, gringos living off a volunteer’s stipend tend to avoid it.

A BBC Giraffe

Bogotá Beer Company

If you are a lover of freshly-brewed beers and also happen to be in Bogotá, then you are in luck. Bogota Beer Company is chain of brewery-restaurants throughout Northern Bogotá that offer the best beer in the country, hands-down. They offer a variety of house-made beers, from darker stouts to lighter golden beers. This gringo’s favorite is the Roja, which is reminiscent of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, which also happens to be his favorite American beer. If you are thirsty, be sure to order a giraffe, a literal tower of cerveza that will ensure everyone goes home happy.

Conclusion

Most Colombians will tell you that their beer is, in a word, shit. After many nights of exhausting methodical research, this gringo must disagree. While Colombia’s beers may not win any international awards, they still get job done more gracefully than Keystone, Natural Ice or PBR and that counts for something.

PLEASE NOTE: Although beer-lovers will be happy in Colombia, connoisseurs of fine wines should probably just go to Argentina or Chile.