Quitting Colombia

The horse cart that almost killed me.

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it—I’ve decided to leave Colombia.

I will fly out of Bogotá tomorrow afternoon and after a lengthy layover in Miami, touch down at SFO early Sunday morning. I didn’t come to this decision lightly—but recent events have compelled me to choose a different path.

The other day, I narrowly escaped death-by-horse-cart when I was nearly trampled while crossing the street. Apparently, the horse was malnourished and had developed a personality disorder that made it think it was a Formula One racecar. It was my bad for not looking both ways before I crossed the street, but it seriously came out of nowhere.

This kid watches too much Fox News.

Besides that, I have found that my services are no longer needed at Nueva Esperanza. I have proven to be such an effective teacher that all of my students are now proficient English speakers. I realized this the other day when one of my 4^th graders came up to me during recess and asked me (in perfect English) whether I thought the United States’ current military action in Libya construed a new “Obama Doctrine” or was just a fluke in the president’s foreign policy. Dumbfounded at how effective the previous week’s lesson on world countries had apparently been, I continued on through the schoolyard, batting away peculiarly advanced questions in English my students tossed my way. After speaking with the rector, we agreed that my work there was done and it was best if I got the F out.

Gerico is a very demanding dog.

But the main reason I am quitting Colombia is because I just can’t stand being away from my golden retriever, Gerico. The other day he barked at me through Skype and I realized that he might run away if I don’t come home soon. If he ever did such a thing... I don’t think I could live with myself.

So, goodbye Colombia, I will miss your craziness and reasonably-priced beer. Until we meet again.

But before I go, I just wanted to say…

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!